In June 2016, I packed up my car and drove across the country to start a new life in Dallas, Tx. Honesty I had no idea what I was doing but I knew some how, some way this was the road to success. My first few months in Dallas was honesty the worst; I moved into an apartment sight unseen and it was infested with roaches and rats, my car broke down on me ON MY BIRTHDAY, my job placed me with a bunch of sexist idiots who thought women were only good for sex and cooking, and my love life was pretty much nonexistent.
Needless to say by September I was pretty much ready to pack up and move back to Chicago with my tail in between my legs. One simi-positive thing would happen but it would only lead to something terrible happening in the long run. I was able to get out my lease with out any repercussions only to move in to an apartment that was worst off! My job was cutting my hours and changing my schedule with out my knowledge, only to run back to corporate and make it seem like I was unreliable. But my breaking point was when I purchased a new vehicle, but they forgot to process the paperwork and instead of telling me and working it out, they called the cops and reported the car stolen. Which lead to me being arrested in September 2016.
Once I was released from Fort Worth Jail, I was left homeless at least for the weekend. Monday morning came and I was finally able to go into my apartment and it was infested with bugs and my lights were off( didn't pay the light bill), and all I could do was cry... and not because I didn't want to fail, but I didn't want people knowing I failed.
For so long I lived my life for other people. Everything I did was to make other people happy even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness, and when I finally started to live my life for myself it really wasn't for myself. I still had this sick obsession of proving everyone wrong. See my problem was I never accepted my own failures, and I always cast blame on the close person around. So in my mind I had to make it in Texas because I had to prove to the world that I'm really the successful one and all my failures up to that point was due to me listening to some one else. But here I was less then 4 months into my self journey in a bug infested apartment, no cash in danger of losing my job, behind on bills, and just released from jail. I had a total meltdown, I just didn't know what to do! I sat on the toilet holding my kitty crying asking God what was his plan for me. I remember it like it was yesterday I asked God "what do you want me to do? I been doing this my way and it's just not working... let me know! I give my life, my body and soul to you lord just show me what I'm supposed to do. Because I don't know..." and I just cried. Don't call me crazy but I felt a power of forgiveness and acceptance come over my body and I knew what I had to do. I had to accept my Failures. No one is to blame for your life but you, and you can only live your life for yourself. Simple right?!? but it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do...
That day I told myself everything I do from now on will only be for me. I will not live my life to prove people wrong, and if I fail I will accepted it and not make excuses. My failures are my failures and my success are my success. I had to come up with a plan (you guys should know I love me a good plan lol) first thing was I had to find a job, second a place to live. By that Wednesday I had two jobs and was waiting on my background check for another one, and I moved into a new apartment (yes 3 apartment in 3 months) and almost two years later to the day I have doubled my income, bought my own car (yes the paper work cleared), moving into my dream apartment (something I never thought I would be able to afford in 2016) and looking to buy my house next year. Now I'm not going to lie and make it seem like I stop failing in 2016 because i didn't, but once I started to accept my failures I started to over come and learn from them.
Ps: Love life is still non existent ❤️
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